I'd forgotten how much I hate transcribing handwritten notes.
Actors MT/CA Nylon Shoot
I'm exhausted. In transcribing the notes and expanding on them, I ended up writing parts of scenes and dialogue all day as inspiration and ideas struck. I now have 12 single-spaced pages in Word and 4,848 words. A lot of those words are notes and reminders for me, ponderings on plot possibilities, character traits and examinations--had a 1000 watt light bulb go off in my head earlier this afternoon regarding Klaus and his motivations and actions. It's helped with making so many things fall into place not just fic-wise, but canon-wise, too. That or I'm just handwaving shit so the show and my story will both make sense.

I imagine more than half of those words will be discarded, but they'll be replaced with the actual story. It was a good day, all in all, but I keep forgetting to eat when I write, which is why I'm about to have dinner so very late in the day--or should I say night?

Writing anxieties.
Actors MT/CA Nylon Shoot
I have no title for the Tyler/Caroline story. I'm still not sure where to set part of the story--a very important part in which I want to create a specific mood and tone. (It's mostly for me. I doubt anyone else will notice what I'm trying to achieve with that sequence of events.) And I have a couple of only vaguely appropriate playlists.

BUT! I have transcribed three and a half pages of notes which turned into three single-spaced Word document pages equalling just over 1600 words as I expanded on the ideas I'd jotted down, so surely that's something to be positive about. Right?

Writing, music, inspiration, and my usual wringing of hands.
Actors MT/CA Nylon Shoot
Here I am, one and a half years later, with the beginnings of another Tyler/Caroline story, despite this pairing appearing to be even more unpopular now than it was when I first wrote for them. After a quick perusal of my friends list, I see by what's being put up on tvd_fic that a certain other Caroline ship, which shall remain unnamed on this journal, is more popular. I guess I really am writing this pretty much for myself this time round.

I'm terrified and excited to be writing again. Apart from a few ideas jotted down, I haven't written anything since forever and I'm dying to get back to it. I miss it very much. Yes, it was agony at times--most times, to be honest, because writing is really, really hard--but it was so satisfying and gratifying to complete a creative project.

However, I seem to have hit an obstacle before I've even started: a playlist. I don't have one. I usually have one. Music is very important to me. It's a huge source of inspiration. While it may be the events of S4 spurring me on to write a story, music will keep me in the writing zone. It will help me focus. It will keep the story happening in my head, even when I'm not actively writing, I'll be listening to it on the way to and from work, while I'm running errands, etc., and most importantly, if I get blocked.

For A Pain That I'm Used To I had two playlists and I'd listen to whichever one suited the scene I was writing. One was all Depeche Mode--this should come as no surprise to anyone familiar with their music considering I used one of their songs for the title of the story. There were just so many songs of theirs that worked for T/C. In fact, the DM playlist I created for them was called T/C+DM=OT3. It was perfect. The other one was, well, I'd rather not say. Guilty pleasures, ahem. With this new story, I seem to be looking to DM to supply the music once again. Perhaps because they were such a huge part of my writing for T/C in the past, I feel a pull to go back to them for music? The only other songs I've found that suit the story are (SURPRISE) Dave Gahan's (the lead singer of DM) solo stuff.

Part of me wants to wait a bit before I start writing because there's a new DM album coming out on March 26th and it may contain the most perfect songs for the story. But another part of me doesn't want to wait. I have a stretch of time available to me right now where I am free to write without most of real life interfering and I want to take advantage of it. (The track titles, though. Gah! A few of them seem like they have potential to be perfect.)

Or am I just procrastinating because I am that scared to write again? Possibly.

Writing decisions
Actors MT/CA Nylon Shoot
Technically, the story is finished, I'm just not 100% happy with the last chapter and I think I can do better. But I think I'm putting off editing it because, once complete, I will have to make the decision of whether or not I'm going to post it somewhere for fandom to read. I originally just wrote this because I needed to work through some things and it has been cathartic, so I did achieve what I set out to do. The fact that I got this far makes me really happy and I'm kind of proud of myself for sticking with it since the story idea first entered my head earlier in the year. So I don't have to "publish" it anywhere on the internet. I can leave it on my hard drive and be done with it.

However, I can't ignore the lack of Tyler/Caroline fanfiction out there and I think I would feel guilty knowing I have a story but am withholding it. Now, I'm not saying it's a fabulously written epic. For all I know, it's terrible and the T/C fans should be spared, but I still feel like it's better than offering nothing. I have enjoyed reading fanfiction throughout all the years I've been online and a part of fandom, and I feel it's finally time to give something back.


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